Where to begin?

Life is not black and white, there are so many shades of grey. That is where you come in, do i expect someone to read this, no. But the possibility give me hope. The feeling of invisibility is one i have and wish i could get rid of for good. Of course as time goes by and my life blends in with the worlds average human-beings, and i feel less and less alive.

Once upon a time i got all the attention i wanted, good and bad. As my story changed i, like most adolescents, acted out to try and get back what once was mine. Now looking back at the years i can see a time line of defining moments that have lead me to where i am now.

Let me warn you know that i am not the most eloquent writer, so if someone out there actually reads this, don't judge. Im hoping to let my words come out on here because i won't do it out-loud or to who i should tell them to... Why it is that the general public, my self included, is okay with sharing our most deepest darkest secrets on-line but not to our loved ones. It is something un-understandable to the generations before us. BUT How exciting is it that i can pour my heart out, and maybe feel a tiny bit better with out being venerable to the criticism of my loved ones.

Who am I?

Female, strong, weak, animal lover.

Lonely, loud, romantic, outgoing, and shy.

Average, round, bland, brunette, sometime blonde.

Blunt, enthusiastic, lazy, and calm.

I can't put a label on my self anymore. I have been all of these things and more depending on who you talk to. I have lost my self in the years i am told you should be discovering who you really are. 2008, my defining year. Not everything before this point was perfect. It was actually far from it. But that is where things started to go bad. Bad might not be the right word, confusing, 2008 is when my world started to mix up, the structure in my life started to crumble.